Online dating. I detest it. But now that its socially acceptable, I half-heartedly am giving it a try. Hell. Actually I've had an online profile, in some shape or form, for the past five years. But the stock I put into it is next to zero. Why? I just do not care enough, simply put. In all my years on the 'cyber scene,' I can count the dudes I've decided to meet in person on one hand... not because I had luck with it, mind you, just the opposite.
It's a lot of effort, online dating. Browsing profiles, editing your profile, responding to emails. I learned the hard way how disappointing it is to waste a few weeks of intelligent banter and my wittiest punchlines on a guy, only to meet him in person and find he's an ogre. Once, I met a new guy for dinner. I was excited because he was tall. Then I find he's a 6' man in a 6'5" body. His body was stretched like Gumby -- completely disproportionate. Most of the time, you know within 30 seconds if you want to walk right out the door the way you came. Sadly, social convention doesn't allow for that. Well, I think social convention is totally overrated...
So I've made up some ground rules. One, no dinner on the first meet. Why not? Cuz you're stuck. You're stuck for 2+ hours and chances are he wants dessert. During my dinner with Gumby, he agonized over his plate of pad Thai for two hours. Then when 9:30 rolled around, and he asked if I wanted to get a drink, I made up some story about an early yoga class. Yup, I need to go to bed at 10 pm Saturday night so I can make my yoga class, I sputtered. Hey, I was new at this...
So that's why I like to schedule my first meets at a coffee shop over the lunch hour, or an early afternoon, so you always have an escape route. And I don't call them dates. Sorry, it's not a date until we both know what we're getting in to and I pull out all the stops and donate a Saturday night to you. Then, its a date. Funny, none of my online suitors have gotten that far...
Which brings me to today. An afternoon beer with a closet homosexual who was pleasant enough company besides for the gay vibe and Alfalfa hairdo. I just knew, within seconds, I was not attracted to him in the slightest. See, that's the problem with online dating. Someone's cleverly written and well-thought out profile could be disguising an absolute personality void or nervous tick. A person's photo could be from before they gained 20 pounds and started balding. Or, on the other hand, you could dismiss an amazing guy because his photo didn't do him justice. My ex was a gorgeous man, but when it came to picture time, he couldn't pull it together.
I guess I'm just holding out that I'll meet that person organically and not have to explain myself when telling the 'how we met' story. I don't care if its the norm, I don't want to tell my kids, Mommy picked out Daddy in a yearbook on the computer!!
It's a lot of effort, online dating. Browsing profiles, editing your profile, responding to emails. I learned the hard way how disappointing it is to waste a few weeks of intelligent banter and my wittiest punchlines on a guy, only to meet him in person and find he's an ogre. Once, I met a new guy for dinner. I was excited because he was tall. Then I find he's a 6' man in a 6'5" body. His body was stretched like Gumby -- completely disproportionate. Most of the time, you know within 30 seconds if you want to walk right out the door the way you came. Sadly, social convention doesn't allow for that. Well, I think social convention is totally overrated...
So I've made up some ground rules. One, no dinner on the first meet. Why not? Cuz you're stuck. You're stuck for 2+ hours and chances are he wants dessert. During my dinner with Gumby, he agonized over his plate of pad Thai for two hours. Then when 9:30 rolled around, and he asked if I wanted to get a drink, I made up some story about an early yoga class. Yup, I need to go to bed at 10 pm Saturday night so I can make my yoga class, I sputtered. Hey, I was new at this...
So that's why I like to schedule my first meets at a coffee shop over the lunch hour, or an early afternoon, so you always have an escape route. And I don't call them dates. Sorry, it's not a date until we both know what we're getting in to and I pull out all the stops and donate a Saturday night to you. Then, its a date. Funny, none of my online suitors have gotten that far...
Which brings me to today. An afternoon beer with a closet homosexual who was pleasant enough company besides for the gay vibe and Alfalfa hairdo. I just knew, within seconds, I was not attracted to him in the slightest. See, that's the problem with online dating. Someone's cleverly written and well-thought out profile could be disguising an absolute personality void or nervous tick. A person's photo could be from before they gained 20 pounds and started balding. Or, on the other hand, you could dismiss an amazing guy because his photo didn't do him justice. My ex was a gorgeous man, but when it came to picture time, he couldn't pull it together.
I guess I'm just holding out that I'll meet that person organically and not have to explain myself when telling the 'how we met' story. I don't care if its the norm, I don't want to tell my kids, Mommy picked out Daddy in a yearbook on the computer!!
