I had a friend get on my case that I haven't written a blog lately. I told her it was because I met an awesome, amazing guy and I had nothing to complain about. (Which I did - he's great.) So? she responded. Write your what-not-to-do blog in reverse. So that's what I'm doing - writing a what-to-do blog. I mean, if he snagged me, he could serve as an example - a god even - to men everywhere.
Yes, it's true, I'm now a taken woman. Dare I say, I've been tamed? And wonder of wonders, I met this guy online. Despite my own reticence at online dating, I took a chance on a profile that somehow caught my eye even though there was nothing spectacular about it. Was it a feeling? A hunch? Serendipitous? Perhaps. Whatever you believe, I sent Jeff a little pithy message somewhere along these lines -- "I noticed your pic from the salsa fest. Until I realized that you probably were at a festival for the Mexican condiment, not the Latin American style of dance. And since I'm more of a guacamole girl... I'm not sure we'd get along. ;)."
We played verbal ping pong for awhile, where I discovered we had lots of interests in common, but I didn't put much stock into it. I never put much stock into these things. I put all the stock into the first meeting -- the first time we lock eyes -- because you can tell everything in a moment.
Some people call it love at first sight - but I don't believe that. I call it "potential" at first sight, which is waaay more accurate. And that is exactly what happened with Jeff. I knew within seconds that I was interested and attracted to him and within a few minutes of conversation, knew we were going to have a great "first meet." And we did... we closed down the bar and stayed an hour after closing time, making great conversation. My potential meter was spinning sky high...
Fast forward to the actual dating, which really didn't start until more than a week later because he was out of town visiting family.
He did a lot of things right. Like -- come to me for every date (which in his case was 30-50 minutes), pay, open every door, not come on too strong but at the same time make it clear how much he was into me, complimented me in the subdued way so you know they are real compliments and not the mass produced kind, being totally appropriately in every way (you remember my prior experiences!! -- this is a big deal! Personal space and personal topics were always respected), feel me out for how I felt about other relationship-stuff and texting vs. calling (always a plus, so I don't have to tell you, in the middle of the movie theater - "I don't hold hands. It's so 8th grade"), didn't try to get physical right off the bat, ask me out for the next date during the current date, pay even when I tried to pay -- and be there for me on a momentous occasion (my birthday).
You're probably thinking, who is this girl? Is she just going to sing his praises the entire time? No... I acknowledge, he did have some missteps. He was playing it safe -- a little timid, which was cute -- but at first glance it could've been perceived as disinterest.
About a week after our "first meet," I texted him to say hello and make a reference to our not-yet-booked second date. (What can I say? I was interested.) He then asked me out to dinner later that night. I should've had plans, which I did, and I should've turned him down. But I didn't. We went to dinner and a movie and had a great time.
And, he took 3 dates to kiss me... when even in my impatience I gave him a way in. He said something romantic and I said, "Now would be a perfect time to kiss me." Sheesh! I'm a little sheepish about that. A little aggressive, don't you think! And he's not supposed to know I want him to kiss me, he should agonize over whether or not he's going to get slapped. Well he didn't kiss me, at least not then... but later that night I could see him trying to work up the courage... and at any other time, I would've thought, you snooze you lose, I'm not going to throw you a bone, I'm getting bored kiddo time for me to go. But I didn't. I gazed back into his eyes and squeezed his hand and gave him a little warning jingle of my keys. And we kissed for the first time, and the world spun.
Now, I can't totally fault him either. I am guilty too. I let it be easy. I was the rabbit who gave herself up to the hawk. I didn't just run out into the open and get snatched -- no -- I willingly jumped up high and thumped my paws against the ground saying, "I'm over here! I'm furry and delicious, come and get me!" to the hawk.
But isn't it supposed to be hard? A challenge? They need to appreciate finding the treasure, after all the toil and hardship and effort it took following the treasure map!!
The takeaway here is... when the right man does the wrong thing, it's not wrong. Because he's the right man. Even writing this, I'm having a hard time even thinking of things he did wrong, because in my eyes, they're not "wrong" anymore. When you care about someone, and they make your heart burst, and you want to spend every moment with them and then some, the rules don't matter. The game doesn't apply.
Jeff: "When you get to the treasure, it's not the end. It's just the beginning."
This cynic is reformed.
Yes, it's true, I'm now a taken woman. Dare I say, I've been tamed? And wonder of wonders, I met this guy online. Despite my own reticence at online dating, I took a chance on a profile that somehow caught my eye even though there was nothing spectacular about it. Was it a feeling? A hunch? Serendipitous? Perhaps. Whatever you believe, I sent Jeff a little pithy message somewhere along these lines -- "I noticed your pic from the salsa fest. Until I realized that you probably were at a festival for the Mexican condiment, not the Latin American style of dance. And since I'm more of a guacamole girl... I'm not sure we'd get along. ;)."
We played verbal ping pong for awhile, where I discovered we had lots of interests in common, but I didn't put much stock into it. I never put much stock into these things. I put all the stock into the first meeting -- the first time we lock eyes -- because you can tell everything in a moment.
Some people call it love at first sight - but I don't believe that. I call it "potential" at first sight, which is waaay more accurate. And that is exactly what happened with Jeff. I knew within seconds that I was interested and attracted to him and within a few minutes of conversation, knew we were going to have a great "first meet." And we did... we closed down the bar and stayed an hour after closing time, making great conversation. My potential meter was spinning sky high...
Fast forward to the actual dating, which really didn't start until more than a week later because he was out of town visiting family.
He did a lot of things right. Like -- come to me for every date (which in his case was 30-50 minutes), pay, open every door, not come on too strong but at the same time make it clear how much he was into me, complimented me in the subdued way so you know they are real compliments and not the mass produced kind, being totally appropriately in every way (you remember my prior experiences!! -- this is a big deal! Personal space and personal topics were always respected), feel me out for how I felt about other relationship-stuff and texting vs. calling (always a plus, so I don't have to tell you, in the middle of the movie theater - "I don't hold hands. It's so 8th grade"), didn't try to get physical right off the bat, ask me out for the next date during the current date, pay even when I tried to pay -- and be there for me on a momentous occasion (my birthday).
You're probably thinking, who is this girl? Is she just going to sing his praises the entire time? No... I acknowledge, he did have some missteps. He was playing it safe -- a little timid, which was cute -- but at first glance it could've been perceived as disinterest.
About a week after our "first meet," I texted him to say hello and make a reference to our not-yet-booked second date. (What can I say? I was interested.) He then asked me out to dinner later that night. I should've had plans, which I did, and I should've turned him down. But I didn't. We went to dinner and a movie and had a great time.
And, he took 3 dates to kiss me... when even in my impatience I gave him a way in. He said something romantic and I said, "Now would be a perfect time to kiss me." Sheesh! I'm a little sheepish about that. A little aggressive, don't you think! And he's not supposed to know I want him to kiss me, he should agonize over whether or not he's going to get slapped. Well he didn't kiss me, at least not then... but later that night I could see him trying to work up the courage... and at any other time, I would've thought, you snooze you lose, I'm not going to throw you a bone, I'm getting bored kiddo time for me to go. But I didn't. I gazed back into his eyes and squeezed his hand and gave him a little warning jingle of my keys. And we kissed for the first time, and the world spun.
Now, I can't totally fault him either. I am guilty too. I let it be easy. I was the rabbit who gave herself up to the hawk. I didn't just run out into the open and get snatched -- no -- I willingly jumped up high and thumped my paws against the ground saying, "I'm over here! I'm furry and delicious, come and get me!" to the hawk.
But isn't it supposed to be hard? A challenge? They need to appreciate finding the treasure, after all the toil and hardship and effort it took following the treasure map!!
The takeaway here is... when the right man does the wrong thing, it's not wrong. Because he's the right man. Even writing this, I'm having a hard time even thinking of things he did wrong, because in my eyes, they're not "wrong" anymore. When you care about someone, and they make your heart burst, and you want to spend every moment with them and then some, the rules don't matter. The game doesn't apply.
Jeff: "When you get to the treasure, it's not the end. It's just the beginning."
This cynic is reformed.
